Filed under: Daily Specials | Tags: , article, life, money, Newsweek, politics, power, random, vacation, Vegas
Last night’s drinks: vodka and soda with two limes.
I’ve been reading a lot of Newsweek lately, which has been inundated, fortunately and otherwise, with articles on candidates from Hillary to Huckabee. So far, my favorite has been on the man that hasn’t officially decided if he wants to run yet – Mike Bloomberg. Of course, the name Bloomberg is associated with money, which almost immediately triggered my gag reflex, but the article completely changed my mind. In the article, he was confident, charming, and self-assured which, combined with many other attributes, has presumably brought him to where he is today.
Last night’s jaunt in Vegas with Jenn made me think more about the politics of successfully getting ahead in any arena where money and favors are to be had. It’s all about the charm and the attention, both of which can lead to great rewards. I used to take a relatively laissez faire attitude toward doing anything but dancing in the clubs in this town, but you find that the extra bit of effort you put into the “details” activities, like going to the hotel bar or doing a lap around the casino, has potential for payoff.
We tested this a little last night, but I’m going to blame the venue and the timing rather than us, since we were looking pretty cute. But I’m looking forward to playing up the surprise angle, like Bloomberg, and unleashing some of the secret skills that might win over those who otherwise may not have given a second look.
Hi ho silver and MAC!
Filed under: Daily Specials | Tags: distraction, friends, life, love, perception, random, reality, thoughts, vacation
Last night’s drink: strawberry Stoli and soda.
I took this vacation with the purpose of escaping life for a little while, and an integral part of that has been distraction. Although distraction can be a destructive force in the eyes of productivity and focus, it is a precision tool in the art of eliminating reality on a temporary basis. One single distraction will not wipe away the whole picture, though – you have to pinpoint which particular realities are to be canceled, and then hand-select the distractions that will do the job. I imagine them as the tools on the dentist’s little blue tray – a scraper, a little mirror, the little sucky thing that I love. Each one executed for a specific purpose.
Going out alone has been a sort of multipurpose distraction, successfully wiping away some of the lonliness of missing friends, some of the stir-crazies generated by my tiny apartment, and the lack of stimulation that comes with work. Going out alone has a high associated with it – walking into a bar by yourself requires some self-coaching and feigned confidence, but also a sense of comfort in yourself. It’s almost like a flash-centering mechanism. Suddenly the feelings of boredom and lull are replaced by the slightest hint of adrenaline, which then mixes with alcohol and crazy people. After you’ve pulled off the experience and found that you actually enjoyed it, you are reaffirmed in your independence, and in the simplicity of a life which often feels so overwhelming. Plus, going out alone forces you to live without the distraction of company. You can take it all in at your own pace.
One of the greatest applications of distraction is in the post-breakup/rejection stage, when you’re feeling like your nose is resembling Mr. Potato Head and you question every essence of your personality. Garnering male attention is like taking an especially delicious cough syrup for the irritation and bad taste left over from an ex. Sometimes, the attention doesn’t even have to be from especially delectable men to feel good – but the thrill of requited attraction takes it from cough syrup to Kahlua. Yum.
Vegas is probably the Mecca of purposeful distraction, which is why it is such a suitable destination at this particular time in my life. Vegas plus Jenn is a teleport into a new world completely, and I can’t wait to be beamed up. Although there will be more distraction tools at my disposal than I could ever use, I’m actually looking forward to getting back a little reality by being with my closest friend in the world. Life without confidantes is certainly real, but the end perception is that life is just real bad. It would seem that trying to distract yourself from a misperception results in a double negative, so that you’re no better off than when you started. Believe me, I’ve tried.
When reality distracts you from real life, though, you’ve really hit the jackpot.
Filed under: Daily Specials | Tags: crazy, family, friends, hypochondria, lies, life, people, random, thoughts, vacation
Last night’s drink: Airborne.
Faced with the finality of the Friday before vacation, I was hit with a sort of rapid onset case of hypochondrial psychosis, which not only forced me to focus on every pain, twitch, sneeze and bruise on every inch of my body, but it also prompted me to visit urgent care in order to get antibiotics for what I finally concluded was an oncoming external ear infection. I was so afraid of getting sick on vacation.
After a quick once-over by the nurse practicioner, she told me I have a zit forming in my ear, and gave me a low dose of antibiotic pills to take away the germies before wishing me fun in Vegas (yes – I’ve been talking non-stop about my vacation; I am too excited to shut up). Of course, as soon as I heard the news I instantly felt better, so I’m not going to waste the supply. I’ll just stick some oxy in there and call it good.
As I was chugging my Airborne drink in a precautionary move, I came across Nancy Grace, which I recalled as one of the shows that the TV People at work told me to watch. Apparently, she’s supposed to be the Dr. Laura of television. Since Dr. Laura is one of my guilty pleasures, I decided to give it a shot. What I actually found was just a boring sensationalist with predictable broadcast ploys. There was one idea that came up during her show, though, that I’ve actually been thinking about a little bit lately: the whole concept of people saying, “He/She would never do that. Anyone that knows Him/Her knows that they would never do anything like that.”
Usually this comes up from friends or family of an individual who has disappeared, often a mother who has appeared to have abandoned her kids but is believed to have been abducted, but also perhaps as a suspect in a crime where no clues can be found. It makes me think about how well anyone really knows anyone else. I think if you surveyed 100 people, and you asked them if they considered themselves to be crazy, at least 95 of them would say yes, to some degree. The other five are probably just delusional, which qualifies as crazy in my mind.
People have too many layers to be predictable – you never stop growing, or learning new things, so you can never know how you are going to react to new situations or stimuli until they actually happen. And then – BAM – a new layer. Your family and friends know the layers that have existed, and maybe some of the new ones you’ve taken on, but they don’t know the ones that haven’t formed yet. So maybe the friends/family could say, “Oh… Bridget would never in a million years to that,” if they monitored her life 24/7, but there’s all kinds of crazy stuff out there (correlative to all the crazy people), and so you just never know what’s going to happen next.
It happens the other way, too. I’m sure you know guys & gals that you would never describe as a “kid person,” but I bet you’ve also seen at least one of those people do a 180 when the baby situation actually comes to be. People lie to themselves and eachother, and many are very convincing. But I think many lies are based on speculation rather than deception – like, what a lie is going to do rather than what the message actually is. If lying to yourself or others brings you comfort, it may just be a default stance until you’re faced with the truth and you have to make a move.
If we are all surrounded by lies, that would help to make sense of why, really, nothing seems to make sense. But then again, what do I know – except what I’m feeding myself?
Filed under: Daily Specials | Tags: anxiety, article, brain, daydreams, dreams, fear, Friday, insomnia, life, mind, New York Times, news, random, sleep, thoughts, vacation, Vegas
Last night’s drink: La Borraca Merlot.
It’s Friday. And it’s not just a TGIF kind of Friday – it’s a seriously celebratory, last day before vacation, loving sensation sort of Friday. I can’t believe it’s finally here. I already feel better.
Better, that is, except for the fact that I can’t sleep. I’ve been having more dreams, and less comfortable sleep, but it has nothing to do with the physical accomodations of my bed or my apartment, because I’ve been in both for years now. It’s just this overall sensation of discomfort – almost like a sticky, humid fog just sitting inside me. And the dreams are not helping. I wake up many times in an unidentified panic. Something’s chasing me… or the day is escaping me; either way, I’m slipping.
I read an article this morning in the New York Times on “…Why We Dream At All,” which concluded that dreams are a sort of “fear extinction” mechanism in your brain. The majority of dreams that people have are bad dreams. In dreaming, your body is sort of exorcising your anxieties by wrestling with them in a no-holds barred arena, where anything is possible. If you make it through your dream, the author says, you’ve successfully rid yourself of that fear. If you’re awakened by it, though, it’s still sitting in there.
As I commented in a previous post, the nightmares I have are typically reoccurring. I immediately recognize them once I’m in them, but when I try to remember them while I’m awake, it’s really hard. And there are quiet a few. I think the reason why they are so hard to conjure has to do with the fact that the things that make them so unpleasant have less to do with tangibles (like, being stabbed) and more to do with that muffling type of anxiety that comes with yucky feelings like futility, hurt, anger, lonliness, etc. Maybe these things take more than dreams to flush them away, though. Or maybe the reason I can’t recall these dreams is because my conscious mind just doesn’t want to go there.
A couple of years ago, Z was really into taking charge of his dreams, or Lucid Dreaming. I’ve never done it, but basically it’s the art of pushing for awareness in your dreams, and then taking control of them. For example, I remember him telling me once about a dream in which he sort of took control of his thoughts and started flying. Maybe this technique could be used to get a better handle on dealing with your emotions? So, if you decided that the middle of a nightmare was a good time to try a little lucidity, would you be taking hold of your emotions, or simply denying them? If my mind would rather deal with my emotions in my dreams than in my consciousness, then why would it try to be conscious for emotional abatement, given the option? Sounds like a recipe for really screwing with my head.
The article didn’t mention anything about daydreaming, which has taken hold of me a couple of times recently. I find, though, that I have to start that process – it doesn’t just come to me while I’m looking at numbers on reports or pumping gas. I have to actively think about daydreaming a scenario before it actually happens. Is that normal?
You don’t hear a lot of people analyzing daydreams. Maybe that’s because it’s sort of a sacred ground where you have to feel free to swim in a giant pool full of plastic playland balls, or play on the world’s largest cushioned slip-n-slide, or have a fabulous dinner with a perfect glass of wine on the Rhone, or cuddle with one of those smoosh-face cats on a giant bed with silk sheets and linen pajamas, or wake up in a beautiful bed and breakfast on the Mendocino coast, or lounge like a rich person mid-week in Vegas.
At least that last one won’t be a dream for long. Long live A&J.
