Filed under: Daily Specials | Tags: Blog World, fortune, Google, gratitude, reader, religion, winner, work
Last night’s drink: King Fish Merlot
So it only took me one day to fail at NaBloPoMo, but that day was SO great, that I’m going to forgive myself and keep going.
Today’s thought on “letting go” has to do with the phrase, “Let go; let God.”
If you know me, or just happened to come upon a few specific posts here, you also know that my views on religion are a little scattered. A part of me even had a hard time capitalizing the word “God,” because it seems to hegemonic. And my idea of God is humbler than that, and less singular.
This phrase crossed my mind this morning as I was considering my fortunes of the past few days. I’m such a control freak, that I’ve been working myself into a froth over the way some things have seemed to tank in my personal space. I finally peaked like a stiff merengue, and just sort of crumpled down from there. And then, things just started happening.
Most notably and relatably is my winning the Blog World contest yesterday, for which I am extremely grateful. While newspapers fall and the career paths that truly stoke my passion start to face uncertainties, this opportunity feels so crucial to their survival and mine. I’m definitely going to make it count, and even more exciting to me is that I’m going to be meeting others who are doing the same.
I’ve also had many freelancing opportunities recently open up to me, which is definitely a godsend considering all else. The market is so fierce right now, I have to be grateful for any extra work that comes in — especially work that doesn’t involve waiting tables or sucking up to jerks.
Also, the more I let go of my inhibitions and protectionist attitude, the more I find that people open up to me. And I really like you guys, so it’s a pleasure — no matter how strange the stranger.
Finally, I have to give a shout out to Google Reader, because I just recently set it up and it makes me happy in a million different ways every day.
And if any technology embodies God’s work, it has to be related to Google somehow.
Filed under: Daily Specials | Tags: Buddhism, Catholicism, Christianity, faith, life, prayer, random, religion, science, thoughts
This morning’s drink: Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf Genmaicha Green Tea
On Tuesday, I was gripped by a force as I was getting ready to leave for work. I lotioned my arms, put on my watch, clipped in my earrings, and turned to leave, but something stopped me before I reached my bedroom door.
My body followed as I turned my eyes back to rest upon the jewelry box sitting on the dresser. Nut-brown and worn, each drawer is filled with trinkets I rarely wear anymore, or even think about. Yet, instinctively, I reached for the left wing that opens like a door, and holds a small series of gold chains. On the far left is a roped one, with a delicate gold crucifix looped on. As if I’d done this every day, I unlatched it and put it on, then grabbed my things and locked the door.
That evening, as Big Josh and I drove to American Shooting Center to look at 9mm’s, I told him he was driving me to prayer. He laughed before he apologized, but I can understand a little as to why he would. We haven’t talked about religion much since we started seeing eachother – though we have had somewhat extensive conversations about faith. It’d be a lie for me to suddenly say that I’ve held on to my relationship with God all my life; the mismatched background almost by default lends itself to comedy.
Still, in times of need, I find myself drawn back into the religions I’ve known. Then, almost as quickly I find myself alienated all over again. The Protestant faith I celebrated in Sunday school seems too flaky, the Adventist faith too cultish, the Catholic faith too intangible and the Buddhist faith too self-centered. Obviously, I haven’t tried them all, but I find myself wishing for someone to simply give me the raw materials of faith so that I can cut through the middle man.
Some of them are easy enough to pick out; in Protestant Faith and Catholicism, many of the Ten Commandments:
4. Honor your elders
5. Thou shall not kill
6. Thou shall not commit adultery
7. Thou shall not steal
8. Thou shall not bear false witness
9 & 10. Thou shall not covet
These seem pretty safe as basic premises of not being a jerkface, and a generally unpleasant person. And let’s face it – some of us actually need rules in order to achieve this.
I also like the objective outlook and logic of responsibility in Buddhism’s law of dependent origination, which basically mimics Newton’s 3rd Law of mechanics – every action has an equal and/or opposite reaction, or do unto others as you would have done unto you. When science and faith collide, I’m pretty much sold.
Finally, despite the crazy childhood experiences I had in the Seventh-Day Adventist school, I have grown to appreciate the tenets of the faith that are flexible with the times (i.e., a rather liberal view on abortion) and yet maintain that a simple life is the best way to celebrate living. Plus, they extol the benefits of eating crickets and grasshoppers, and they argue that Saturday is holier than Sunday, so someone over there has got a sense of humor. Also important for faith.
So I suppose I’ve got a decent sense for what my ideal faith teaches and believes, but if I’ve created a faith, who do I pray to?
When I pray now, I imagine that I’m talking to God, and I haven’t been struck by lightning yet. And, really, I never pray with the expectation that I’m going to get what I ask for – it’s more to achieve that sort of relieving release that I imagine Victorian doctors proffered in the practice of leeching.
It’s amazing what happens when you simply get things out of your head.
Filed under: Daily Specials | Tags: Catholic, church, communion, confirmation, faith, life, random, religion, spirituality, Sunday, thoughts
This Evening’s Drink: still Banrock.
I’ve been baptised twice to date, but I’ve always held a candle for my first time: in the Catholic church. Of course, two years later my parents divorced, and my mom was disowned from the church, but it didn’t stop her from letting me sing with my Nana at the age of 6 in front of the whole pulpit, or from taking my sister and I to Midnight Mass every Christmas.
I attended many Sunday schools in some Protestant church down the road, but I always had an affection for Mass. I love the rituals and the repetition, the special prayer before dinner, and the “secret handshake” of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost. Communion was special to me, and kneeling in the pews thereafter, I would pray so hard.
Of course, reality hit sometime around my teens, when my sister and I stood and watched everyone else, including extended family members, filter down the isle of the church to take communion. I’ve never been confirmed, so really I’m not allowed to reap the benefits of the body and the blood of Christ. I’ve always wanted to, though. Now that I’m alone, I think I finally will.
I found St. Joseph’s church in Little Italy, which offers adult confirmation classes. I can imagine that these look a lot like Traffic School – a bunch of adults, obviously hitting some sort of spiritual reprimand, and seeking the pass that will write off their sins. I already have two rosaries (gifts) and many bibles (gifts), and even a little pocket guide to “What Catholics Believe,” but I have a feeling that this sort of thing supercedes preparation.
One thing I have come to realize about myself is that faith is so important to me – moreso than I ever wanted to believe. But I do have faith that every action is a reaction to reason, and I want my children to grow up in a world that has hope and faith. Even if they don’t choose Christianity, I never want them to feel that they are the kickball on a metaphysical field. You have to have faith; otherwise you never have peace.
I’m going to attend mass this Sunday to make sure that I like the church before I commit a year or so to its teachings. Then I’ll spend next week in Vegas, and be back with plenty of reasons to go to confession.
