Filed under: On the House | Tags: , coffee, dreams, insomnia, life, morning, October, random, shower, thoughts, work
This Morning’s Drink: SLO Roasted Peruvian blend coffee (the best on Earth – seriously).
My alarm was set for 4:30 a.m. this morning, but I kept having these awful dreams that awoke me at 1, 2, 3 a.m., so that I finally opted for a little peace from my brain, and got an early start to the day.
Usually my nightmares are very similar or even repeats, but the ones last night were brand new. A giant spider living in my heater that was just waiting for the right moment to snip my limbs off at the joints. A crazy man in the middle of the road back home in Dairyville who ran me off the road and into a ditch where he tried to drown me. Those are the two I remember most vividly. The others had to do with a bunch of shapeless images and feelings that I can’t quite describe, though I do recall a lot of dust flying around.
Wow, I already have to get in the shower in 15 minutes. I hate being rushed by life. It’s one of the few things that my insides throw a two-year-old tantrum against. It’s no use, though – life always has the upper hand. And then it’s like, when I get in the shower, life has bested me yet again! For awhile, this was happening every morning before work, and it was really bringing me down. I was so tired that I couldn’t stay awake, and I couldn’t get up early enough to have a little bit of quiet time before the raucus behavior of the day. Too bad it isn’t raucus because I have unique problems, like my two-headed cat won’t stop fighting itself over its Fancy Feast, or the engine of my Delorian keeps cutting out at traffic lights. At least then there would be some new discovery in my problem solving. The stuff I have to deal with now, I feel like I’ve heard it all before on talk radio.
I’ll be so glad when October is over. Something about this month raked me over the coals… and it wasn’t just the So Cal fires. To top it all off, since the fires are threatening to divert a huge chunk of my nonprofit’s income, it looks like I won’t be getting that raise after all.. I’ll be lucky if I get the annual 3% in June. I do love my job again, and I’m sure that I wasn’t meant to take that other offer. But what exactly is the lesson here… don’t follow your gut if it isn’t what Dad told you? I love and admire my Dad to bits, but what a bunch of crap. I guess it is that you make your decisions, and you go with them. I think our nature is to second guess ourselves.
Three minutes until mandatory shower time. I guess I should get the final warm up on my coffee before I brush my teeth. The good news is that it’s Tuesday, and that it will be over early. And in a week from today, I will be flying into my own personal heaven.
Filed under: On the House | Tags: fire, life, luck, morning, San Diego, thoughts
This morning’s drink: Coffee.
There’s something interesting about being in the middle of the San Diego fires and being completely safe. A lot of the people I work with were evacuated yesterday, or at least on standby, yet I live close enough to downtown and the coastline that I’m pretty much in 0% danger. Obviously, this is a good thing, especially since I’ve already moved my apartment three times in the last month, but I found that I was almost embarrassed to say where I lived. I listened to the radio all day anxiously, but it was almost like I didn’t have the right. The anxiety swirling around this place is almost off-limits, and my opportunities to empathize are very limited.
At the most, I can share the inconvenience of smoke inhalation with everyone around here, and the most I can do to contribute my good fortune is to donate my money to the cause. However, the fires haven’t made me suddenly more prosperous, and I can’t really volunteer because I’m expected at work (since I don’t have to evacuate), and they want all “non-essential” people off the roads. I’m thinking I’ll go donate blood today, because they’re asking for extra donations, but even that feels so menial.
I feel so sad for these people who have lost their homes – from the incredibly rich people of Rancho Santa Fe to the suburbians of Poway. But how will my one pint of blood start to ease their pain? They’ve said that even people to listen can help by acting as make-shift shrinks. Still, why would someone want to spill their sorrows on the lucky girl who dodged the bullet? If I’m getting scorn at work for being so safe, how are these strangers going to take me?
I feel like I’m in sort of a funny place. I guess I should just ignore what everyone else thinks and move my little golden child self to go out and help. Although San Diego is all about taking care of number one, the people here are amazing when all the number ones are threatened. In the end, to be able to participate in the good of SD is probably a much rarer event.
