Filed under: Daily Specials | Tags: confidence, dreams, jazz, lessons, life, music, random, singing, thoughts, voice
Last night’s drink: Contortionist, again. It’s becoming my new favorite.
For those of you that don’t know, I’ve been an aspiring vocalist for the past twenty or so years, with varying levels of confidence and commitment. I’ve sung in choirs, bands, jams, and, of course, had a cameo or two at more karaoke joints than I can count. But this last May, on my 26th birthday, I made a promise to myself to either fish or cut bait on this longtime dream. So I bought myself a keyboard and started writing and playing more guitar, and last night I had my first lesson with a personal voice coach.
Her name is Eleonor England, and already I think she is amazing. When I wrote my mom about the experience last night, I described the environment I walked into to:
“…she has this cute little cottage just outside of North Park with pale yellow walls and the old-style arched doorways separating the rooms. Out front, she has a little front porch consumed with houseplants and climbing vines, and indoors is hard wooden floors, an old dark-oak piano, tons of bookshelves, pictures, old bottles and little antiques..”
Granted, it was dark, but even if my memory doesn’t serve me correctly, this place, and her presence, created the feeling of warmth and organic flow – very similar to my apartment in Redding.
She sat at her piano and asked me to stand behind her so that she could see my reflection in a mirror propped against the wall. In that position, we started with vocal warm-ups, and just from hearing my voice, she could tell that my lower back was tense, and my knees were locked tight – she told me I was very self-aware of how I held my body, which is true. As a tall girl, you are always told to stand straight, and carry yourself with good strong posture. Plus, my crazy 1st stepmom used to always tell me to suck in my gut, so that when I got pregnant one day, it wouldn’t hang out. But that’s another story. That’s a lot of other stories, actually.
Anyways, Ellie talked me through some relaxation exercises that made my legs tingle and my breath sink into my stomach. When I spoke again, it was in a tone that reminded me of cocoa butter – something essentially soft and warm. When she reacted with praise, I was instantly, yet subconsciously, self-aware again. My body sucked itself back into stick-straight tension, and my voice followed suit.
People who are close to me have commented on the fact that I have multiple voices – one voice for ordering food, one voice for work, one voice for friends, one voice for family, one for flirting, one for talking about dreams, one for academic discourse… a different voice for every situation. What I realized last night is that these voices correlate with my level of self-consciousness. The more relaxed and confident I am, the richer and lower my voice becomes. The tighter and more unsure I am, the higher it goes.
Happily, Ellie felt my relaxed voice was a perfect fit for jazz instruction, which is what I intend to pursue. So this weekend I will practice breathing through my capless knees while sinking in mud, smiling with the inside of my mouth, and giving myself permission to breathe above on the crescendo and below on the descent… in za.
That, and studying for my journalism midterm.



