Filed under: Daily Specials | Tags: evolution, life, love, men, random, relationships, sex, thoughts, women
This morning’s drink: SLO Roasted Peruvian (still the best coffee on Earth).
Alright – it’s time for me to make the announcement that some of you may have already suspected would come. Big Josh and I are a couple.
The evolution of our relationship began with a post I wrote back in November, and at the time I wasn’t expecting it to come this far. In fact, I was expecting it to die during Vegas, for a number of reasons. Even just last week, I had this feeling that it was all just my imagination, or the product of some poorly placed trust. But these last few days have made me start to believe that it’s true. And that it’s good. And it’s freaking me out.
It’s not freaking me out in a bad way, like I want to bolt. But it is giving me that anxious, spastic sort of spell where I start trying to predict the future. I can sum up my biggest relationship-future fear with the scene in “Look Who’s Talking,” where Kirstie Alley is smoking in the kitchen with last night’s mascara under her eyes, the kids have spaghetti and lettuce all over their faces, and John Travolta is making farting noises and wearing a stained wifebeater. Relationships, and the people in them, never stop evolving – but what determines how and where the forks in the road come to be?
I think the first influence relates to each person’s goals. I want to have a career that I love, and a life that keeps me stimulated. Once I feel those things are secured, I’ll consider the whole baby thing. He needs to have goals, too, so that both people have things that keep them on track and centered in their own minds. Two people have to be centered in themselves before they can balance a relationship – and yes, this is different than being self-centered.
The second influence relates to principles – you have to know where you draw the line. Admittedly, this has taken me a long time to get to, but I’m definitely getting there. You don’t think Jenn came up with her list of dealbreakers and warning signs all by herself, now, do you?
The third has to do with sense of humor. Even though the things that make you laugh will change, your sense of humor remains pretty stable. A sense of humor gives you a way to relate, to cope, and to enjoy the world around you, in a relatively simple way. If your humor matches in class, type, and intensity, you can sort of rely on that to float you through sucky times, and to really enjoy the good ones. Otherwise, it’s just very grating.
This is what I know so far, but my relationships to date haven’t exactly been ironclad. I’d be interested, and grateful, to hear some other perspectives on the qualities that keep two people evolving together.
And don’t worry – this will not turn into a mushy gag-blog.
Filed under: Daily Specials | Tags: babies, dreams, evolution, food, life, literature, love, men, random, sex, thoughts, women
Last night’s drink: Emergen-C.
The hot water is no match for the cold, so the shower will not be hot enough until February, at least.
Cumin in its whole form is so potent, three seeds taste like an entire Indian buffet.
The marmalade has crystalized, so the rinds now taste like candy.
I’m sort of on sensory overload right now. Every flavor, every thought, every emotion or tickle in my throat is consuming me in a gradual way – like a snake swallowing me from the bottom up. Henry Miller is whispering in my ear and my mind is receiving it, masticating, and absorbing the digestable parts. The result is a mind warp where the spread of San Diego looks like a champagne brunch sparkling in the sunlight. I could either order off the menu or walk over to the omelet bar and start kicking the tables over.
Lately, my drug of choice has been the pherormones that won’t leave my pillow, with or without the carrier. Somehow, he is always here when I lay down. We talk about nothing, really, and I file it away. But I wake up with my brain bathed in those invisible hands, and I can’t purge the scent or the visions that come with them. If I’m being honest, though, I haven’t tried.
Evolution is constantly used to explain the present or justify the past. It’s no leap for me, then, to think it can predict the future. If two people have chemistry so strong that their brains completely forfeit control over their bodies, it has to be some primal cue for compatibility. Forget love, trust, upbringing, religion, politics, demeanor, opposites attracting or any of the psychology that flaps its wings around it. I just want to know the physical product of pure, prolonged chemistry.
My guess is that I won’t find out for myself, but I’m inclined to think it’s some sort of baby recipe for divinity. Think of all the naturally perfect one-plus-ones. Honey and peanut butter. Chicken and plum sauce. Coffee and cinnamon. Mozzarella and basil. Chocolate and raspberries. Pecans and brown sugar, carmelized. This wouldn’t just be a love child- it would be Gia covered in cocoa soaking in a buttermilk bath; or Samson dripping with olive oil, tearing apart a garlic baguette.
The say you are what you eat. I bet evolution coined it.
Filed under: Daily Specials | Tags: business, culture, evolution, life, machismo, men, random, SEO, sex, thoughts, webhosting, women
Last night’s drink: white wine, followed by Gelato Vero.
The brute force behind Web Hosting Bluebook is a breed of a man that I don’t run into much these days. Years ago, when I went through my exotic, Romance Language days, I dated a couple. But once the Spanish has been spoken to death, the crowing starts to wear you down.
I’m referring to that kind of man who exudes, almost gushes, machismo. Machismo is often considered to be a Fisherian runaway trait – one that overexerts sexuality, even in the face of fitness for survival. Like a peacock’s tail, which is too large to be practical, but gets second looks from the ladies. So while the man with machismo may attract many women with his overt sexuality, in the end it comes back to bite him when he doesn’t get a second date.
This theory on machismo probably doesn’t apply to those cultures that expect machismo from their men, such as the Latin American or other Old World cultures. But I can’t imagine that all women in these cultures are taken over by machismo, unless there is a second, gentler side to uncover. Machismo is overpowering whether it’s the exception or the norm. Like the essence of women, as I wrote about in this post, there is something potent about pure masculinity. In straight doses, it knocks you over. Tempered with a more subtle spice, it becomes simply delicious.
Relative to the brute force mentioned above, I found some evidence of this temperance on his site. Over dinner, this man was agressive and cut-throat; on his site he has tools that cradle even the meekest of bloggers. In conversation, he was confident and hardened to points other than his own; yet his forums embrace discussions and ideas without his direction. This man is barrel-chested and succinctly upkept in his severely manly appearance; but his free WordPress themes are organic and flowing – maybe even a little poetic. And I know he picked him them, becuase they are described on his site as the “Best.”
It makes me wonder what the Fisherian runaway traits are of men in cultures that I haven’t yet explored. Do French men have them? Scandinavian men? African men? Chinese men? Masculinity is definitely open to interpretation, so I would imagine so.
As for the Brute: for the sake of your personal evolution, you should let your site show a little more.
Filed under: Daily Specials | Tags: decadence, evolution, fantasies, life, love, men, random, relationships, sex, thoughts, Vegas, women
Last night’s drinks: Grey Goose and lime.
Vegas would be nothing without women. Somewhat of a bold statement, yes, but not really. If Vegas were everything it is minus every single lady employee, it wouldn’t be. It’s that thing about a woman that can’t be bottled and sold. She’s either standing there, or she’s not.
It’s amazing what people – men and women of all sexual orientations – will give to have a woman in their personal space. Money, power, favors, pride, personal safety – whatever the sacrifice, there’s a need for that soft skin, warm scent, and enticing energy to be within reach. It’s not just evolution at work, either – I know many straight women who have felt that pull, and been surprised at the hazy inebriation of a woman’s seduction. As a woman myself, even I don’t know my own strength, but you can bet that some women do.
What if this essence of women is sort of like the active ingredient of love? Like the bleach in your Soft Scrub or the peppermint oil in your gum. On its own, it’s overpowering and maybe even harmful in large doses but, tempered, it is more forgiving and less abrasive. That would explain why women are so universally appealing and, at the same time, so open to scrutiny.
People want love, and they want their love to be “true,” according to their standards. If the essence of love is found in femininity, and you can’t tangibly replicate that essence, the only other option is to create it in your fantasies. So then, you want your fantasy version of this truth to collide with reality. Like the chem lab for catalyzing love, fantasies let you keep trying different ingredients until you get that explosion. So if, in real life, the fantasy doesn’t ring true, the love doesn’t follow… no matter how much they want it to. Desperation for love is everywhere you look, because love simply is not. So women out there are working hard to meet the fantasies, and men are working hard at fantasizing.
I think too much credit has been given to evolution for explaining human behavior. Decadence is hardly an evolutionary quality, yet people are decadent with food, entertainment, alcohol, drugs, sex, and they’re still on top of the food chain. It isn’t a huge leap, then, that they would be decadent in love – but how do they ever get their fill?
I don’t think they do.
